Being In Control Is The Basis Of Effectively Managing Children’s Behaviour
Hm – a relevant question – is successfully disciplining and managing children’s behaviour about control?
I saw a woman with a dog walk by my house the other day. Well, I heard her shout at first. The dog wouldn’t walk on the lead, pulled back and sat down, slipped its leash and ran towards the main road. The woman shouted in a panicky voice and fortunately the dog stopped and allowed her to approach and put on the leash. She tried again to get it down the road and the dog repeated its actions. It was the wrong place for this to happen and she was taking the wrong approach and she didn’t have a collar that was tight enough. What did she do? She gave in and took the dog in the direction it was insisting on going! Not a good training session…. no control – well not by the one who should have had control anyway. In addition the dog was put into danger for its life.
Driving in town a week or so ago a woman was at the edge of the road with a pram and two young children walking with her, one either side of the pram. One of the children ran into the middle of the road. Luckily I wasn’t travelling fast and had my wits about me and stopped in plenty of time, but I could have been in la-la land (and who isn’t sometimes when you’re driving?). Again it could have been disaster. But what was the woman to do? Leave the other child and pram at the road side to retrieve the runner? Push the pram and other child into the road too? Scream? What? Her options were fairly limited and all with inbuilt dangers… again the adult didn’t have control of the situation and this put 3 children in danger.
The original question asked whether the management of children’s behaviour is about control. Well, yes that’s true, it is about control, but using the control in the right way.
Many adults seem to think that there is something wrong with being responsible for the control and discipline of children. It is claimed by many that such controls are detrimental to children’s development, their ability to express themselves and imaginative advancement. Very young children are allowed, even encouraged, to be independent long before they have the emotional maturity to be so – they are seen in shops, streets, parks and on river banks without adults being close enough (even attached) to rapidly intervene if the need arises. How can adult control be so wrong when without it children’s lives can be endangered?
Tell you what – that little kid would have had its development well and truly limited under the front of my car, wouldn’t it? There wouldn’t have been much free expression or imagination going on there! The panic stricken collie wouldn’t have enjoyed any more walks if it had ended up under a car or lorry, would it?
People often say to me that children have changed. No children haven’t changed – but what has changed is adults’ attitude towards children.
Part of growing up is to learn how the world works and this enables children to develop emotionally and socially. Where do children look for advice and guidance? To adults. Until they learn (are trained) in these important lessons they aren’t able to function independently or confidently. Discipline is simply another word for training. Without it we end up with adolescents behaving like 3 year olds, unable to show any self control when the world doesn’t go their way.
So, what’s my message about controlling children and its place in effective discipline and behaviour management? It’s a strong message – until a child has self control, it has to be controlled. That’s it, pure and simple.
However, it is equally important that the correct ways to control and discipline are employed. Children have to be encouraged to be self controlled, independent and confident. Effective behaviour management techniques can be easily learned by anyone. In Behaviour Bible you can read, put into practise and use consistently the techniques I have developed and used successfully with the most demanding behaviour.
Liz Marsden successfully manages children’s out of control behaviour every working day. You can take advantage of her expertise and skill in her book, Behaviour Bible where she gives you the same invaluable advice that she uses herself and teaches to teachers, students and support workers. Read about her daily classroom encounters and gain gain further insight into her work.
